


your name on my lips (your name on my wrist)

by spoiledgods



Category: The Old Guard (Comics), The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Ficlet, M/M, Pre-Slash, Regret, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates, lapslock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-03
Updated: 2020-11-03
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:27:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27365776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spoiledgods/pseuds/spoiledgods
Summary: some nights when he's so lonely and there's no one around to see or hear him, he whispers the name to himself. practices and tries to remember the correct sounds and imagines a world where he didn't feel cursed by it
Relationships: Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Comments: 7
Kudos: 144





	your name on my lips (your name on my wrist)

nicolò's old enough to know his soulmate can't be very close to him, so at the very mature age of 10 he goes to the ports in genova tryin to get all the merchants to help him read it (his parents certainly weren’t going to). luckily enough someone who does know arabic is able to tell him how to read it and how to say the name (which makes his soulmate all the more real now that he can call it out), and he practices saying it until he gets it just right

he’s sent to the monastery shortly after. the brothers there aren’t mean...but they pity him for the name on his wrist because they think “poor boy, to be tied to a heathen, more a curse than a blessing” and the stares grate on nicky enough that he just puts a black band over it and tells everyone his soulmate is dead (and he wishes they were, better dead than a pagan he thinks bitterly) and he says it often enough that he can believe it

but some nights when he's so lonely and there's no one around to see or hear him, he whispers the name to himself. practices and tries to remember the correct sounds and imagines a world where he didn't feel cursed by it

-

the other side of the sea, yusuf whos read all the poetry and the all the stories on soulmates traces the letters on his wrist every night and thinks about what his soulmate is doing, what they’re like, do they think about him too, will they like him

(of course they will, they’re soulmates) 

as soon as the letters had appeared on his wrist at age 3, his parents had been ecstatic.

soulmates weren’t rare but certainly not common, and they were blessed to have each other's names on their wrists when they met (some soulmates never meet, and they worry sometimes for their son, who already has so much love to give, that his heart might be broken) and they’re so happy that yusuf will have it too.

his father puts him on his lap and teaches him how to say the name, the foreign letters unlike anything the little boy had seen. he wouldn’t learn the latin alphabet (and many others) until years later, but those little letters, neat and small on his tiny wrist, he knows are Important

years later, when he's older, yusuf is bright and picks up languages like a fish to water. he writes poems in latin, and learns greek and french and everything he can gets his hands on. he begs his father to take him during his travels so he might get a chance at seeing the world (and his soulmate) and he meets a few nicolòs in his travels and makes friends and it feels nice to differentiate them by calling his soulmate “ **my** nicolò” and when he parts ways with friends it makes his chest full to hear them give well wishes in finding His Nicolò

-

but both their hearts turn bitter and worried when the wars start. nicolò has to leave, for God he says but deep deep down, the part that still whispers those two little syllables into the dark, he knows its his chance. those letters are a curse, always hidden under a black cloth away from prying eyes, and maybe it's true, maybe he was right in questioning why god would give him to someone who he can't love

and in antioch yusuf is terrified. he imagined his soulmate being a kind sweet merchant or traveler selling their wares, or maybe a brave sailor on the seas, or a quiet but homely writer surrounded by books and tomes

he never considered they could be a foreign invader, hateful and out for blood

he’s 33 now, his parents met each other in their 20s, and hes been around the world but His Nicolò hasnt been found so maybe..maybe this is how the world brings them together (cruel, he thinks. but god wouldn’t be cruel to give him a soulmate only to make them unlovable, right?)

and so both of them head into the battlefield and kill and kill and kill and this isn’t what they thought would happen but it’s happening and then he sees blue eyes and he sees the glint of a curved sword and both of them end their lives at each others hands for the first time and they think it wasn't supposed to end like this

and then it _doesn’t_

they both awaken

enemies, bloodied and confused on what to do except kill each other over and over and over until they don’t--they  **can’t**

and its yusuf who extends a hand and says “stop” in arabic and then in latin

and points to himself and says “yusuf” 

its the first time nicolò has heard those syllables from anyone other than himself in so long he thinks he has to be mistaken, he has to have misheard

(because if he didn’t then what does that make him, what does that make him who killed the person hes destined for so many times with his own hands, is this his punishment for denying his soulmate for so long, he was wrong, he was so wrong, he doesn't want to be here, he doesn't want him to see him like this)

he wants to scream but instead he says “nicolò” and he prays (for what he doesn’t know)

and the man, the heathen,  **yusuf**

(” **your** yusuf” a little voice says) 

repeats it back to him like its something holy

and nicolò, he hates himself for loving the sound of his name from this stranger and he knows he doesn't deserve the man (because he knows he would’ve continued killing had he not stopped him) but he still unties the black cloth (now drenched in blood, just like his hands) and opens his wrist for the stranger to see those letters he hid for so long

and when he hears him (yusuf yusuf yusuf, _His_ Yusuf, his _soulmate_ ) take a breath that sounds like a gasp and a sob

nicolò knows.

and he  _ shatters _

_ - _

(yusuf, his soulmate, holds him as he blubbers and cries and begs and prays, even though he shouldn’t even though he doesn’t deserve the kindness and he breaks a little more because of it.

of course his soulmate would hold him like his mother did, all those years ago before she sent him away

of course he would be kinder than nicolò

because he is a blessing and he always was

and nicolò was wrong. he was so  _ so _ wrong

and he has to do everything he can to make it right

he has to

he has to because in yusuf's eyes, when he touches his own name on nicolò's wrist

his eyes had held love and wonder

and nicolò, however undeserving of it, would make himself worthy

he would make himself worthy, he would make himself someone who deserved that love.)

**Author's Note:**

> i saw [this post](https://katiekate-hawkeye.tumblr.com/post/633551894490628096) by ao3 user @immortalbanner and suddenly remembered i had written a soulmate tattoo au in my drafts that i forgot about for months (cue "i abandoned my boy" moment). i know the rules on tattoos seem a little more lenient in christianity (i am not practicing) because many use tattoos to show their faith. permanent tattoos are prohibited by a majority of scholars in islam according to what i could find on google and youtube, but if they existed before someone was practicing then they are forgivable. i am not muslim so if i came off ignorant in any way due to taking liberties with this, please let me know. thank you for reading!


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